scary

I woke up 2x last night from a painful pulikat. First was on my left leg, the other is on my right leg. Weird no? Anyway, aside from the pain, i also had a dream before finally waking up to join my husband for breakfast... Nakunan daw ako.

In my dream i didn't know yet that i'm preganant. And when i bleed, i realized that my period was like just a couple of weeks ago and not due for another couple of weeks more. That's when i realized i had a miscarriage.

When i woke up i told my husband that i dreamt nakunan ako. He said he also had a weird dream himself that night... nauubos daw ngipin nya. Pamahiin tells us that dreaming of falling/loosing teeth means death and the person who dreamt that should tell it first to a tree or a plant because whoever hears it first will die. Now i'm not really superstitious, but i think it's really scary of me dreaming that my unborn baby died and he dreaming of something that means (according to pamahiin) death. I know i shouldn't let myself worry on silly things like this. My husband would even scold me if he knows i'm a bit scared. But i can't lie to myself.. i got really (a bit) scared.

final cycle

I had my ultrasound last Tuesday, June 28, and one dominant follicle was seen at my right ovary. It was 22mm and so my doctor and i decided to go on with pregnyl that day. Yesterday i went back for another ultrasound to check if the follicle burst. It did. So i ovulated yesterday. Following the schedule, my husband and i made love last night. I should have my period between July 14 to July 18, if not, it's time for a pregnancy test.

Anyway, since Armand and i decided to stop my workout after this cycle, we are also considering of changing doctors. I'm thinking of getting an endocrinologist na or someone who specilizes in fertility and not just an OB. But we'll continue with the hilot pa rin.

Hopefully my egg is still around tonight when we do another round of love-making :o)

Oh! and the follicle that didn't burst and caused me to have hyperstimulation? It was gone already :o)

daddy day

It pains me that i cannot yet greet my husband happy father's day. Especially when i know that he longs to be a daddy already and i can see that he's going to be a very good father.

Princess, my inaanak is with my parents since three weeks ago. Her younger sister Camille was with her but has to get back home last week. Princess was left with my parents for now, minimum of 1 year ata since my parents enrolled her to a school near our place. These girls are very malambing probably because they long to feel loved and taken cared for but unfortunately their parents have problems. Anyway, tuwang-tuwa si Armand sa kanila. And the girls in return are also so fond of him that everytime we arrive or leave they would kiss and embrace Armand first. Armand kept saying sana pag nagkaanak kme kasing bait nila.

There were times na nagseselos na ko because when we're there, half of the time that my husband should be spending with me are given to these girls. Sana it's our kids na lang that he's spending time and playing with:o(
I know... i am bad.

hilot

my husband and i went for a hilot last night with my friend (who introduced the hilot to me). It was a bit painful but not generally uncomfortable. Nanay Naty, the hilot, told us some sensible things such as i should avoid wearing high heels shoes and tight-fitting pants, avoid smoking and drinking alcohol and make love with my butt resting on a pillow and that we should come together when we make love... oh, and that i should limit my intake of rice and softdrinks. Generally i can do all that except limiting my food intake and smoking. But i will do my best.

Nanay Naty also let me borrow her novena to Our Lady of La Leche, patron of mothers and wanting to be mothers. She said i should give it back to her when i get pregnant. She also said that she received a message that someone is about to get pregnant. They said it might be me... SANA! Where the message came from, i didn't ask. But she seem to be a religious person. There's santo (images and pictures of the Blessed Mother, Jesus and other saints) all around her house.

Armand also have no bad feelings about Nanay Naty and that's good because it is important for me that whatever we do, we both believe in it. Armand is so supportive. He said he'll be with me when i go for a hilot every month.

Anyway, i am supposed to take clomid starting yesterday but i missed it so i am starting today. I texted my doctor verifying the dosage, she texted back that i should take 3 doses this cycle. Armand and i got worried because i took 2 doses last cycle and look what happened. So we decided to just take 2 doses again this month. Kunyari i didn't receive her text message.

Again, i'm having a good feel for this cycle. Hoping it is the cycle that would give us our baby. Ey, we gotta stay positive through all these exercises.

... and it came

My period came today. i shouldn't be disappointed since i was aware that my biggest follicle didn't burst thus no egg to fertilize. but still, i was hoping for a miracle. another cycle starts today.

We went to batangas last monday para meki-fiesta. It was fun being with my cousins again and seeing old relatives again. but it it pissed me when they start asking why we're not pregnant yet. one cousin even commented to armand... "ang hina mo naman". it hurts because she knows our/my situation. to embarass my husband like that is not nice. buti na lang my husband is sport. he didn't even mind. maybe because he is secure with himself. i love that about him.

i'll go to hilot on saturday and probably try acupuncture next week. hopefully this is the magic cycle for us. i'm still hopeful. besides, we've only been seriously trying for 6 months now :o)

what's next?

It's June 14. My doctor predicted that i should have my period by June 13 and if it didn't come until June 16, i have to get back to her and we'll check if i'm pregnant. I want to have a positive look at this because until now my hasn't come. But i can't be positive because even my doctor can't be certain that i ovulated this cycle and it could mean a really long cycle if i didn't. I mean i had as long as 60-day cycle when i don't ovulate. But then again, i hope i did ovulate after all. My husband and i had been having some really good sex this past few days... i hope it was fruitful after as well.

Anyway, when my period do arrive this week, i plan to visit someone for hilot. I mean, it won't hurt if i try several approaches in getting pregnant all at the same time noh? I also plan to try acupuncture. I read somewhere that it may help in normalizing hormones thus helping girls like me to ovulate. I'll just have to try these things when i have my period para sure that i'm not pregnant.

But above all else, we'll continue to pray... for our own little miracle/gift.

the waiting starts...

Just came from my check-up. The large follicle is still there though it's not getting bigger so my doctor said we'll just wait for now. And everybody knows waiting is the hardest part! My period daw should arrive between June 13-16. If it doesn't i'll get back to her for another checking of the follicle. Hopefully it will recede by itself.

My dear husband is as supportive as ever. I was feeling so guilty yesterday because aside from the expenses from this workout, he might be starting to feel bad and hopeless. But he lovingly asured me that everything will be ok and that he's with me all the way. If he is not as understanding and as loving as he is, i know i would start becoming sooo depressed by now.

It's funny how we try not to get pregnant before we get married, and now we can't wait to have a baby. But i still believe God will give us children (madami, di lang isa). Siguro HE's still preparing us. If only i know what i need to do to be prepared. sigh:o\